“Let’s dance,” she said, and raised her hands into the air, gyrating against me.
I kept asking myself why I didn’t just walk away. This wasn’t what I wanted. As long as the music played she continued to drink, and at one point forced me to dance.
I wasn’t in the mood. It felt like a pointless exercise, a feeling I’d had many times in my life. I’d often wondered why I got up to do anything. After all, we were floating around in space on a glowing marble of a planet and no one knew why. It was madness. There was something extremely stifling about that. Not knowing the answer often prevented me from living. I felt like I had to know the meaning of life before I could live it. When I stepped back and looked at the big picture, I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Even if I came to the conclusion that my purpose was to be a writer or an artist or a coffee shop owner, and I succeeded and earned praise and admiration from others and life was better and more rewarding as a result, I still wouldn’t know why I was doing it. My deathbed still waited, and when the day came for me to climb into it, I wouldn’t know if all the things I’d done in my life were for naught, or if all I ever was would be lost forever, that my presence here and all the actions I’d taken were just a waste of meaningless time, soon to be forgotten as much as any ant or cockroach.
Even if one believed in a god, what was the point of living and not just quickly joining him or it in that wonderful place in the sky? I knew I had a choice: to live or not to live. It would seem the proper choice was an easy one – might as well live. But if you only had one path to walk down, and you knew that somewhere along that path was a camouflaged hole for you to fall through to your horrible death, would you walk the path anyway, or would you just sit down and stare at the boob tube for a long while, even though that still moved you down the path as well? For the time being I continued to go through the motions in a less than half-hearted dance with Becky, since that short path at least led to the potential reward of sex. I’d worry about that camouflaged hole later.
I’ve probably spent way too much time thinking about the meaning of life.
I would think that putting balance – the major theme of this blog – into play, and how nature uses it as the operating system to run the planet and everything on it, would be necessary to truly live a meaningful life. And yet many have lived full lives without that understanding. Still, hasn’t humankind’s existence, since the advent of agriculture, been one long slow push toward the threshold of imbalance, marching us closer and closer to the correction cliff? If we’re not focused on living in balance with nature, then isn’t imbalance the result? I suspect early humans knew it instinctively, being as intimately connected to nature’s forces as any animal in the wild. We’re the ones who need to relearn our natural connection to the planet, appreciating how there is always an opposing force trying to bring us back into balance, as can be seen by the interplay between the seasons, between work and play, between light and dark, hot and cold, male and female, acid and alkaline, oxygen and carbon dioxide, and on and on. Balance must win out for life to continue or it all falls apart.
Being aware of balance’s influence, however, doesn’t automatically lead to a balanced life. Thus, this is my one and only goal – or resolution – for 2015, to put balance into action, and possibly document it here, should I figure out how to be more in tune with nature while battling the elements of the big city.
The videos below tackle the issue of life’s meaning much better, and are worth watching, in my opinion.
Esther Hicks, aka Abraham-Hicks, is a woman who claims to be able to channel an entity she calls Abraham. Weird and controversial, I know, and some people, disturbingly, take her message to the level of a cult, but some of what she has to say is still brilliant, if you buy into the concept, i.e., that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience, something I struggle with but still explore. If you do accept it, then her explanation makes perfect sense – that the meaning of life…is life.
After the initial question is raised at the beginning of the video, there’s a long musical interlude, so you can scroll up to 1:07 to get to her response.